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Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Wisdom Wednesday: Family: How the Little things can change your family tree!

This is part of a Genealogy blogging series hosted by Geneabloggers.  Another article for today is Wisdom Wednesdays: Family: How the Little things can change your family Tree!

*I will be using initials for the actual families involved. This is based on ACTUAL and true events!*

Several months ago, our family & I went out to dinner at Chili’s after church with several other families. As we were sitting there, the husbands of the G & P family were to my left and LG was to my right. We were eating and having a great conversation. The husbands had gotten into this conversation that started over a photo of an armadillo that was pictured above RG’s head. They began to talk when PP & RG realized that they might have been from the same very VERY small and VERY tiny town. As LG puts a bite of food into her mouth, PP asks her if she knows the “Browns”. She replies, “They are my grandparents! She then begins to drop her fork!” As PP & LG keep talking, it was in no time that they realized that they were COUSINS and had no idea that each other existed OR that they went to the same church, both homeschooled and both had 5 children! A TOTAL “God Thing!” Let’s back up about 30 years or so……..LG’s mother had gotten into a squabble & argument with LG’s family (Aunts, grandmother etc) when she was 6 years old. Because of this squabble, she had cut off ALL contact with the family. LG had no contact with her cousins, with her aunts & uncles, nor with her grandparents. She was told horrible things about her family (which were not true). Because her mother chose to hold a grudge, she changed her family tree. She made LG (& her brother) miss the joy of being with her aunts, uncles, cousins & grandparents. She missed time with her grandparents and didn’t even associate with them when they had died L This made me incredibly sad. I am going to be completely transparent here. I am not going to pretend that my family is perfect. My brother & I, in fact, have had our fair share of issues. We always had this battle going on back & forth (since we were little) etc….until one day it came to a head. A HUGE, ugly head. It was a heated debate for 1 ½ - 2 hours. Lots of tears……..lots of Tears! But after that I wrote him a 14 page letter and I went all the way back to our childhoods. ALL the way back and unleashed it ALL. We were able to talk about it & get past it! Today, we have a great relationship. We can talk calmly without it getting heated. We can have a good conversation. We can help each other & build each other up. I am THANKFUL today that we have that relationship. I am thankful that I have a great relationship with his wife, Angie and I love those 3 kids of his………dearly! I am so blessed that our boys have such an awesome and good relationship with his children & their aunt & uncle. BUT…….if Eddie & I hadn’t worked it out a few years ago, that wouldn’t be the case. It would have changed our family dynamics. It would have changed our family tree. I can’t imagine my life, my family’s life or my children’s life, without their family! All in all, regardless of the issue, IT’S NOT WORTH IT ! What maybe “trivial” to you, might be devastating to someone else. Blood is thicker than water is SO true. People need to know that when all else fails, that their family will be there for them no matter what (besides the Lord!). They need to know that they can trust you, depend on you and that you would be there for them & visa versa. So when you are having family disagreements, issues, confrontations or squabbles, In light of eternity, it’s not worth it. It’s not worth the anger & the bitterness. It just breaks my heart that LG has missed out on SO much of her family. It just brought me to tears that the P family & G family didn’t know each other before that (especially because I love my cousins SO much!). The telling thing was that PP’s father is huge into genealogy, as am I. All that his father had for LG was her name & birthdate. Everything else was BLANK! Just think about that……..because of the actions of her mother so many years ago, LG was robbed of her family. It changed her family tree! Just some things that are weighing on my heart today! Hope this helps someone! Remember we are not promised tomorrow, so make everyday count!

1 comment:

DuSyl said...

Excellent explanation of family squabbles. I have seen in my moms dads family where hurt feelings kept great grandchildren away. I am glad to know that these cousins are now connected. That is most wonderful. I like your blog keep up the good work